A Scooter, A Walk, and A Lesson
“Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.”
So here is a little note about parenting. As a parent, most often I know the way that a certain activity or experience with my daughter will go. Not always of course, but there are significant determiners for various activities. The two most important of course are: has my child had adequate sleep and sufficient food? If either of these components are lacking, well honestly, we might as well just stay home because a meltdown will happen. My daughter is like most children, she needs to be well rested and well-fed to have any hope of regulating her emotions well. To be honest, I am the same way – just ask my husband. Additionally, there are certain activities that I know will go well or not because of her personality, her affinities, and quite frankly, trial and error.
One of these experiences is the infamous “walk around the neighborhood.” Now, ask just about any parent and a walk around the block has several functions. First, it is an excuse to get your child outside and to burn some of that unlimited, unbridled energy that for some reason God bestows only upon the young. Second, it is an attempt to pass time without relatively little effort. Third, it has the potential to be a fun exploration of the natural world. These are all the positive outcomes of a walk with a five-year-old. The other outcomes are less than desirable, involving mainly crying, screaming, and name-calling by the child.
Snapshot to about a week ago when I suggested to my daughter that we go for a walk with our dog, Sage. The prompt response from my darling girl was, “Well only if I can ride my scooter.” If you are a parent, you are already sighing and rolling your eyes. The thing is children “think” they want to ride something or wear something on outdoor excursions, until they don’t. And we as parents, know what is going to happen. About halfway through the walk, the kid will begin to whine. “I don’t want to ride my scooter anymore. I am tired. It’s not going fast enough…”
And this is exactly what happened. The scooter was not going quickly enough for my daughter, and she got very frustrated. I felt it coming before it even happened. I knew she was not going to want to ride that scooter the whole time or carry it back to the house. But I let her take it anyway. As we kept walking and she kept whining, I turned to her and said, “You have two choices, you can leave it here on a lawn or you can ride/carry it home.” She looked at me stunned, “But mom, if I leave it, someone might take it.” I told her yes that was true, but since she wasn’t enjoying it anyway maybe it would be an exciting treasure for someone else. She of course did not like this option at all. So, I made her carry/drag it all the way home. Did she whine and complain? Absolutely. Did we go slowly? Absolutely? Was there a part of me that wanted to make it stop and carry the scooter? Absolutely.
While we were walking, however, it occurred to me that this was an important lesson for my daughter, and I had a choice. I could carry the scooter and make life easier, or I could allow her to struggle and learn something. If I carried the scooter for her, she would likely ask me to ride it again on a walk. But, if I made her follow-through and take it back to our house, she would likely think twice about taking it out again. I chose to make her carry it all the way home, despite the names she called me while yelling at me as we walked. I wanted her to have the skill of thinking ahead next time we went out for a walk. I wanted her to learn about her own capacity. I wanted to teach instead of simply rescuing her.
As we walked, it occurred to me that perhaps this is often why God allows us to “carry” difficult and heavy things in our own lives. Surely God can rescue us from our own poor choices. But would we learn anything if God always carried our scooter? It was such a simple lesson for my daughter, yet it made me deeply reflect on how many times I have asked God to save me from something that I was doing in my life. God is not in the business of merely rescuing us, but instead of forming us. I do not pretend to know the ways of God, but that day in our neighborhood I did get a little glimmer of divine wisdom. Maybe when we think God is being silent or not helping us, in truth God is shaping us and giving us an opportunity to know ourselves better so we can make better choices the next time we strike out on an adventure.
The more I grow into motherhood, the more I realize how much of a child I still can be. Here is to all of us learning, growing, and parenting…