I love this quote from Sue Monk Kidd because I immediately imagine a well-intentioned, rigorously prayerful, and dutiful disciple praying to God, "Ok God, today is the day. Yep, definitely today is it. I am going to let go today. No more of this holding on to my "false self' that rules my daily life. Nope, you get all of me today. Go on, take my heart. Make me new."
I know, most of us do not pray like that. Perhaps we do say some words, write our prayers, or maybe we just sit in silence. I happen to use lots of words. Shifting from my "self-centeredness" to "God-centeredness," however is a spiritual practice that takes effort. I am always so surprised by the ways the ego asserts itself, sneaky little bugger.
I have noticed that letting go generally means we have to give up something that is or was important to us. Often we have to give up something that we worked hard to attain. Often we have to give up an entire" way" of existing in the world. Spiritual masters make "letting go" sound almost fanciful in their descriptions. Kidd, however, is right about our ambivalence because while we want the transformation brought by relinquishment, enduring the loss of change usually involves pain and death.
I am once again on the brink of a new season, a new chapter. With the death of my grandmother, my upcoming marriage, and leaving my position as Executive Director of Brigid's Place, there are many changes going on in my life.. Today, I observed my ego clinging with a death-like grip to what I know. I noticed my attachment to my own need for control and security in a time when many things seem utterly unknown and foreign. Sadly, it wasn't even an exciting example of an "ego-gone-wild." Just a simple, everyday moment of being a less-than-great human being because that's what happens to us when we get scared and resist transformation. Many times we say stupid things, hurt people we love, or just act like idiots.
Thankfully God's grace is sufficient. I am also learning how to have grace for myself. I recognize that change and letting go is a process, and I can't do everything perfectly.
Twice now in two years God has invited me out onto the sea of Galilee. Will I let go of my preconceptions of what I know, what I can see, what I think is the path ahead, and trust?
Will I follow the path of the spiritual masters and find a space where my heart can let go?
Or will I set my jaw and hold tight with my death grip?
Even though there will be challenges and pain....I hope I can keep choosing to let go.
Lauren seeks to inspire others to live passionate, authentic, joyful lives every day. She loves spending time with God, listening deeply to others, and pondering the mysteries of life. She is grateful for her family, her friends, and the amazing opportunities she has had in her life. On the lighter side she enjoys most anything that sparkles, great handbags, fine china, cute puppies, smiling babies, dark chocolate, and a great movie on a Friday night!